Two things.
There is a conversation that Clarissa has with her daughter Julie where she talks about the one moment of happiness in her life. Not that she had only been happy that once (I don't think) but that that one moment was the happiness. She thought it was the beginning of a life full of it, but, she reiterates, it was it. It is a memory that you never get to see but that they reference over and over, Clarissa and Richard on the porch, early in the morning, and, to me, this happiness was understood and understandable. I don't know if you can understand, but it was very important to me. I think maybe I live in the opposite expectation from young Clarissa. Always I expect this to be the last happiness. A frantic grabbing for the current happiness because I know there cant possibly be more.
This makes me think of what C.S Lewis says in Perelandra about how rejecting the happiness that comes in favor of the happiness you have is a form of sin. To hold onto the previous happiness shows your contempt for the gifts God brings.
Secondly, there is a scene between the afore mentioned Clarissa and Richard which is their last together. He is on a lot of drugs and acting crazy and she is finally willing to see his life as he wants it and let go of her control over him. I want you to have seen this movie but am a little afraid that you didn't react like I did. I usually cry in movies. Its true, I do. I don't usually feel like I have been kicked in the stomach. (I once actually was, which is a long and different story). I don't really have all that much to say, I just wanted to mention it.
In reference to the current happiness, TJ is outside listening to Neutral Milk Hotel while staining some tables that he built for our house. Jessica is sitting at her piano playing Ben Kweller and Damien Rice songs. Kris is playing his guitar in the living room. We all watered the garden this morning.
4 comments:
i'm glad that you mentioned that current happiness....that part of the book made me stop and think for a couple of days. i think i even wrote a blog about it :)
i am glad you already got some honey also; it's the craziest flavor i wasn't even expecting.
so, it makes me happy to read about your pleasant happiness on fort street....avenue.....boulevard....road.
see you soon hopefully.
just want you to know that i love you. truly.
Hey, I like you and miss you. And I know that scene, that BEING happiness. And I love Perelandra, and we should just hang out and really talk...Have you read Mrs Dalloway? Do.
Also, in response to one of your last posts, I am a fellow future-obsessor. Or was. I'm too delirious awake far too often now to obsess about anything future. BUT. When I worked at the halfway house in New York I always thought of telling my children about it, and my beloved dog with whom I went swimming in the creek almost every afternoon at WHRI 5 years ago...thinking about telling children about it. -Amy
i should read perelandra again. and maybe also dawn treader. they both turn the same lock in my brain.
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