We be busy

Welcome back, health insurance. Two doctors appointments down, two more scheduled for next week. My doctor was mildly horrified that I hadn't gotten my thyroid issues cared for just yet. "Your bones will turn to mush!", he said. Yes. Those words came out of his mouth. He asked me with concern about whether or not my eyes had been popping out. No, sir. They haven't. Until now that had been my major concern. Now, it's my bones. Yes. Mushy bones. Hell. A bit of a stressful morning, really. He gave me a prescription for nerve pain, hoping it would help out with my headaches. Nerve pain meds. Mushy bones. Geez. My endocrinologist appointment is next Tuesday. We will get this taken care of.

I am a tired, over worked little girl, but it looks like I won't be sick too much longer. Yeah. I've been invited by Drew's mom to go to their house for thanksgiving. That is a nice thing. I don't know what my work schedule will be (Starbucks stays open on thanksgiving, you know), but if I can I'd like to go.

School has been close to impossible this semester. There are not enough hours in the week. Maybe school is just close to impossible for everyone always. I don't know. I'm too old maybe. I can't work like I work and live like I live and study. Can't. Can not.

Drew and I went with some friends to a midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show, complete with actors, prop bags, and call back scripts. More fun than I have had in a long time. Raunchy, kitschy, late night fun. I laughed really hard and was really tired.

This weekend is Pumpkin Jam, a baby shower, and an out of town birthday party.

search your heart

When Texas gets rain it changes everything. Our clay soil absorbs nothing and our burgeoning corn fields become rice paddies, streaked with light. It is amazing how water reflects the sky. I am aware that this is a commonly known fact, but I am so struck by it on days like today, when the sky is gray and limiting, and yet it is still brighter than the rain soaked ground. Brilliant, silver flashes catching my eye, enlivening my life.

I watched some red wigglers get washed out of the grass, to pool on the side walk. I stopped and scooped handfuls of worms up of the concrete and flung them in the grass. Handful after handful. I was yelled at for being weird.

I've been feeling pretty crappy these days. It is getting harder and harder to live the lively life I have set up for myself. I write poetry when I'm tired like this. It is hilariously maudlin. I write it down and keep it safe because poetry is supposed to be maudlin and maybe someone will pay me for it someday.

I am currently cramming as much information about the metabolic pathways into my head as is possible. I have until Monday to do this.

I am cold. Isn't that wonderful?

Here. Some poem:

I have often wanted to be reborn
as sea kelp. Placid and maternal,
vibrantly alive, slowly stretching
to encompass the world in my arms.

I love egrets
as insubstantial as filigree
beneath the edifice of cows.

I was like a statue at most

So, I'm not very good at writing in here these days. The internet has been restored at our home, so this should be made easier.

What? It's been raining and raining and raining and things are wonderfully wet. Grayness makes me sad-ish, if I let it. I'm trying not to. I am enjoying the days at home with the baby. Being in our big, widowed house and watching the rain startle our chickens has a sort of cathartic affect. It's nice of weather to do that for me. In Benjamin, I am learning how to love. Amazing how infants change your life.

I am still busy, still learning, still trying to be better everyday. Mostly failing at that last bit. I am getting comfortable with my failings, you know.

I am also continually making new friends. This is exhausting. I have one, single free evening a week and there are too many people in the rotation. If I never see you again, this is why.

I am going to two really great shows in the next week and a half. Ben Folds and Sunny Day Real Estate. Worth all the trouble, schedule shifting, and class missing. So worth it.

I want to go to Tennessee next month to visit a friend. I feel like Tennessee is worth seeing in October. I am trying to deduce whether its worth the effort and effort and effort. I think it is.

I am still relationshipped. And I have created a new word. This is an interesting experience for me. Drew and I have been friends for years, and we were really close before we started dating, but I am realizing now that we have created two interesting dilemmas by the way in which we started our relationship.
Firstly, we were common participants in only one specific group of people before we dated. This is fine, however now, we have so many people that do not overlap. It makes life awkward. Secondly, we bonded so well prior to dating partially because we both filled the same specific role within that previously stated group of friends. We are the jokesters. This is fine, and fun, and a nice beginning, but as we grow as boyfriendy/girlfriendy, it is obviously not enough. There has to be seriousness and challenges and discussions. We're learning this.
It has been interesting, at 26, to see how much of myself I have created in the last couple of years. They have been immeasurably formative. In contact with Drew - another strong, self aware individual - it has become clear that, in not knowing each other these last couple years, we have missed out on a lot. It's amazing to see how people grow, and how people must grow together.

Anyway, I am happy and well. For the most part. Thyroid issues remain as they have been. I go to the endocrinologist next month.

Funnily, in spell checking this entry, I am made aware of how very many words I create and use commonly. I am altering our language.

Put those boots back on.

My life looks different. Let me show you.

I was over ambitious in my scheduling of this fall, which is fine and typical and manageable, but has resulted in me falling asleep before nine on all nights when it is possible to do so. I haven't been reading books like I'm used to and this makes me feel . . . lonely. Isn't that odd? Class is going to be fine, though studenthood has gotten no less time consuming in the last five years, and homework may kill me. Being up and away from home from 4 am to 9 pm twice a week is a vicious, sad way to spend the days, but its just two days a week, and I get two more where I am home, home, and home to make up for it.

Have a boy in my life who loves music (much more than I) means that my life is filling with new sounds, and names, and feelings. Songs with your name in them make good presents.

My brother is getting married. It is going to be a wonderful thing.

Uh, thats all the time I have. Thats it. Talk to you later.