I think God is closer than that

Woof.

Some days just kind of . . . hit. Hard. I am a by product of someone else's "spring cleaning of the soul". And that's always fun. That's okay. It doesn't make any difference, especially not now, but it does make me wonder. I might have been immature. I might have let things fester, linger, and turn sour. I might have talked behind peoples backs, thought nothing of it, and forgotten it. I might. We were so awful back then. All of us. So terribly dramatic. And so destructively proud of ourselves. I wouldn't give everything to never have to do that again. It is, for sure, for the best, that we let this go. There isn't any way to patch our memories. Best to just let them go.

I've been reading. Just finished Cranford, and started Steve Martin's Shopgirl. Before that? I read . . . some books? I can't remember. I read Mary Doria Russells Dreamers of the Day, which I liked. She is superb, though it is, of course, no Sparrow or Children of God. I read The Little House on the Praire books, and have been putting myself to sleep with sporadic, comforting readings from Anne's House of Dreams. I started the BFG, and carried around The Shipping News for a couple of days, just in case I decided to pick it up again.

I have also successfully made yogurt several times and feel pretty skilled in that regard.

I made a gf banana bread with my sister this weekend. I didn't have corn flour so simply substituted the next gf flour that I have been curious about: buckwheat. The results were an interesting, dense banana bread. Sara and I decided it was "earthy", but we ate more than half of it so it wasn't exactly bad.

I spent last weekend in Dallas with my family. My best friend from High School was in town with his glorious wife and wonderful baby and I was blessed to spend some precious hours with them. Frankie is the softest, roundest baby, and I just want to kiss her all the time. Going back and forth between Frankie and my Aluxton was a test of my ability to make anything that is directly in front of me my "favorite". I managed it, however, and had plenty of quality time with both my favorite babies. Aluxton was making some tottering attempts at upright mobility and we are so proud.

Today I get to be in a movie! My friend Donnell makes a short film with her nephew every summer and this year there is a part for me! I get to be the butler and am very excited.

Famblies

My sister, Katie, lives in Atlanta. We see her once a year, usually, during Christmas, sometimes twice a year, if we're lucky. Katie is one of my favorite people in the world. She was my best friend through all of high school and most of what we shall call "college". She came to Dallas this weekend to visit with our relatively newly minted nephew. He is a delight and our time together was precious. Our family is scattered around the world and we don't get to spend time together very often, and when you have such a young member of the family, frequent interaction is essential or you turn around and there is an unrecognizable young man where your baby nephew should be.

We went to Ikea. I'd never been there before and am now a grateful convert. I felt as if I had stumbled out of the middle ages into a futuristic wonderland. My brother and sister-in-law might have found me a little embarrassing, what with all the exclamations over seemingly mundane objects like lamps and wine glasses (6 for 4.99!!!), but it couldn't be helped. I was in the midst of a conversion experience. Sweden, you're the shit. Way to go.

One of the awesome things about me is that I never remember to take my camera anywhere and, even when I do, I rarely remember to use it. So I didn't take my camera with me to this wonderful mini family reunion, and you don't get any pictures. Deal with it.

We met up with some old friends and their beautiful children at the Ikea, and the next day went to dinner with some other old friends and their beautiful children. Friends with beautiful children. This is my life. You could do worse.

I have read a number of books since I last mentioned reading books. My friends Chris and Donnell loaned me a stack of books which I have gratefully devoured. Mostly they are scifi-dystopian, which I dig, though some are fantasy. I don't usually read fantasy, though perhaps this statement is a lie. I'm not sure there is anything I don't read. There are some things that I like less than others, but in general, if you give me a book I will read it. Probably.

Okay, this maybe is a dull post. So be it!

books.

I moved my book case from one wall to the other.

It was a process. I have a lot of books.

'Bout damn time.

Anne Lamott and Donald Miller came to Baylor last night. They sat on the stage in this big, beautiful room and answered questions about faith and writing and how the two converge. I love Anne. This is the second time we have been in the same room, and my favorite. The first time, in Chicago, I went to see her read from Plan B, her second book on faith and faith-like thoughts. Reading from a book is different from answering questions, and she is so neurotic and honest and strange.

Also, incredibly, there were protesters. What the cabbage? Anyone who has actually read Anne Lamott should know so much better than to protest. Which makes me think they hadn't actually read her, but were just a part of a campus pro-life club. Narrow.

Anne has just come out with a new novel, the third Rosie book. In it, apparently, Rosie is a teenager and hooked on drugs. No! Rosie!

Drew reminded me that I don't love Anne's fiction (which is a ridiculous thing to remind someone of when they are in the the throes of despair over the wrong choices of a character they think they love), which made me determined to reread it. I used to have several of her novels, though I have no idea where they've gone.

After the Q&A in the beautiful room we went to the Mayborn Museum to watch an exciting pre-screening of Blue Like Jazz: The Movie. Only, they didn't actually have to movie there so we just watched clips of Steve Taylor's lap top while Don Miller explained making a movie out of a book with no narrative. This was hilarious. And the movie looks better than it has any right to be. I hope it gets shown in your town. I hope you go see it.

Other things:
Yesterday, I got a package in the mail. My parents bought me a yogurt maker. This is AWESOME. I'm going to make all the yogurt! And then eat it all.

I watched the original Planet of the Apes movie for the first time last week.

I found a newer Mary Doria Russell novel in a half price books in Austin. I am a little more than half way through and I think it is astonishingly good. So very, very good. It is set during the latter part of World War II, and revolves around the Italian underground, which is beautiful. Before reading this I read The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, which is also about World War II and comic books. I need a book not about World War II after this, please.

A lot of the time I can't remember my own zip code. This can't be normal.

I suggest

Sometimes I do crazy things. Like drink several cups of coffee the day after I was miserably sick to my stomach because I drank too much coffee. At least, that is why I think I was miserably sick. It might of been because I was licking the salt lamp. Some friends of ours were gifted a lamp that they didn't like. They gave it to us. I think it is very pretty. It is also made of a giant piece of Himalayan salt. Yeah, so I spent some time licking it. Whatever.

Anyway, the coffee drinking. I get a bit worked up when I drink that much coffee. The words coming out of my mouth, though words that I would say, are not the words that I meant to say. I find myself giving in to that secret inner belief that I am the foremost authority on anything and everything that could possibly come up in conversation. I am a talker. And I've had several cups of coffee today.

I wanted to expand a little on one of the books in my "what you should read right now" column. Mary Doria Russell's The Sparrow is just one of the best books ever. Like, ever. It is set in "the future" (2019? The soon-to-be-upon-us future) and it is wonderful, intelligent, reverent sci-fi. D is reading it right now (sort of) as a result of one of those conversations that go, "You never read female writers. What are you? Sexist or something?", and then he points to the Zadie Smith books on his shelf (two), and says that women don't write the kinds of books that he likes (sci-fi). Mary Doria Russell is a physicist, and adult convert to Judaism. The protagonist of the novel is a Jesuit priest/linguist.
I am the child of a linguist. I will admit to having a bias towards linguisticy-smarts. Sandoz is a wonderful, brilliant, loving main character.
The book follows the linguist/priest Sandoz as life is discovered on Alpha Centauri and the Jesuits decide to go. I want to quote the prologue to you here, just because it is so good I don't believe anyone could not want to read the book afterward.

"It was predicatable, in hindsight. Everything about the history of the Society of Jesus bespoke deft and efficient action, exploration and research. During what the Europeans were pleased to call the Age of Discovery , Jesuit priests were never more than a year or two behind the men who made initial contact with previously unknown peoples; indeed, Jesuits were often the vanguard of exploration.
The United Nations required years to come to a decision that the Society of Jesus reached in ten days. In New York, diplomats debated long and hard, with many recesses and tablings of the issue, whether and why human resources should be expended in an attempt to contact the world that would become known as Rakhat when there were so many pressing needs on earth. In Rome, the questions were not whether or why but how soon the mission could be attempted and whom to send.
The Society asked leave of no temporal government. It acted on its own principals, with its own assets, on Papal authority. The mission to Rakhat was undertaken not so much secretly as privately - a fine distinction but one that the Society felt no compulsion to explain or justify when the news broke several years later.
The Jesuit scientists went to learn, not to proselytize. They went so that they might come to know and love God's other children. They went for the reason Jesuits have always gone to the farthest frontiers of human exploration. They went ad majorem Dei gloriam: for the greater glory of God.
They meant no harm."

Go read this freaking book. I just, oh, it gives me chills and I want to read it again. There is a sequel, which is important and equally wonderful. I have lately started finding them cropping up in used bookstores. I don't know what was wrong with their previous owners, but I suggest you profit from their imbecility.

Also, this woman is my current favorite person on the internet. I've been reading a lot of blogs lately and people are - how do I put this delicately? - mostly humorless bores. Or prigs. Or preposterously self-obsessed pretentious people. Which doesn't mean I don't subscribe to their blogs and eat up every bit of ridiculous advice on (insert appropriate topic here) as if they really are the experts they think they are. Shauna, at glutenfreegirl.com, however, is lovely. And normal looking. And a really talented writer. And genuinely not trying to be anything she isn't. And she makes amazing gluten-free everythings. Gluten-free everythings that I feel capable of reproducing in my own kitchen. And I like her. She is today's internet crush.

Aren't we busy and important?

If you could be any character from literature, who would you be?

On Tuesday, after school, Mayada had volleyball practice, which left me with Jeffery alone. Jeffery had a flag football game at 4:30, his first as starting quarterback, and he was incredibly excited. We rushed home to get him a snack then loaded back into the car and rushed over to the field . As I dropped him off I said,
"I have to go pick Maymay up from volleyball but we will hurry and come back as soon as we can to watch you play. Okay, kid?"
"That's Kiddo to you!" Jeffery hollered as he tumbled out of the car.
I often call them kiddo. I think this is going to work out.

Being a research assistant is turning out to be pretty hard. I need a boss to be accountable to, I think. I have never been a very good self starter. Plus, as far as the women we are calling are concerned, we're just telemarketers, and no one likes a telemarketer. We are running into lots of interesting obstacles.

Waco has been the recipient of some beautiful weather lately. A week of seventies and blustery afternoons makes me grateful for being alive. Our garden is thriving. I am blessed to live with three people who know how to love and tend a garden. It seems so easy at the farm and here in our front yard, but I'm not sure I could have done this by myself.

Two of our chickens turned out to be roosters. When we got them they were so young and scrawny it was hard to tell. We suspected, but thought that maybe there was a chance that they were just hilariously scrawny hens. However, Old Warsaw and Mr. Bultitude have blossomed into beautiful, strutting, proud roosters. We're trading them in for two more hens. Its a pity to lose animals who have already become so beloved and well named, and introducing new hens could be a little rough on our flock, but the benefits of having two more layers sort of outweigh any objections. We've only named three of our hens, and one name is in contention, so I am hoping that these new ladies show some personality (and defining traits).

This has been my first full week working all three jobs. My boss at Starbucks is becoming one of my favorite people simply for the compassion he shows for me. He has a lot of employees to keep track of but I know that he keeps me and my crazy life in mind when he makes the schedule. Today he said something along the lines of trying to give me every other morning off so that I wouldn't get burned out. It is appreciated.

I've been praying about telling the Boltes that I can't nanny for them for a while, at least while I am working for Baylor. Jessica really needs some extra money, and would be a prefect nanny (shes done it before for years and years) . The only thing stopping me is that I haven't worked for them for very long. I feel badly ducking out this soon.

One of the most beautiful things in my life is this: TJ walking up to me and quietly handing me a book of poetry open to the appropriate page. Charles Wright. Scar Tissue.

So, in summation, my life is good and I enjoy it.