Monday, May 02, 2011

I went to the doctor on Wednesday via my incredible cleverness. It's a long story, but lets just say my "insurance" isn't really insurance but rather a government funded "benefits plan" and therefore some cleverness is required. I can go see any doctor for $5 provided it is for something previously undiagnosed. Like a cold or a sinus infection. Or, in my case, this mysterious lump on my collar bone that I worry about and then don't worry about in turns. However, there are no rules that say that, while there, I can't have him refill my thyroid medicine prescription, check out my eczema issues, and give me some advice on my headaches. 45 minutes later, I had eight prescriptions waiting for me (I just love competing with the elderly ladies in line to see who needs the most bags) at my local Walgreens and, interestingly enough, no longer have eczema. Instead I have psoriasis. This is interesting because it means several things. 1) I have been misdiagnosed my whole life, 2) all medications I have ever used were only minimally effective because they were prescribed for the wrong disease, 3) I don't have severe eczema, but rather mild psoriasis, and finally, 4) I have, essentially, a doctors note to go to a tanning salon. Sunlight, and that wonderful vitamin D, are one of the best ways to combat psoriasis. Tanning! Sunlight! I am pleased. Also, there appear to be very well documented connections between psoriasis and gluten intolerance. So there's that too.

My doctor also gave me several samples of migraine pills to try out to see if any of them worked out better than the stuff he has prescribed me before. If "worked out better" means an immediate and ridiculous high while at work, then yes. Yes they did. I took a pill right before going into a meeting and spent the whole meeting trying to turn peoples speech into haiku. My notes from the meeting are intelligible. At one point, I got up to go to the bathroom and checked my pupils. They were there, alright, though they seemed to have crowded out my irises. It was a little intense and I was grateful that my office-boss let me go home to sleep it off after lunch.

In other news, I spent the last hour or so at work looking up the British Royal Family. Quiz me. I know all the answers. Except for maybe order of succession. That confuses me.

Also, we've killed Osama Bin Laden.
Obviously this is an amazingly complex issue, and the wars won't stop, and we aren't any safer, but can't we all agree that it was necessary and a great accomplishment of one of our national goals? Instead, fuhbook-the-all-expressive is lit up today with incredibly sanctimonious Bible quotations.
To share a few:

‎"Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice". Proverbs 24:17 (NIV)

For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent and live! Ezekiel 18:32

I'm not against this. The Bible does say all these things. What bothers me is when people ignore these issues in our every day activities as a country (oh, I don't know, increasing our defense budget while decreasing our social services), and then whip out the Bible when it's time to be glib towards the government. Ridiculous. Stop using the Bible only when it is convenient, you smug bastards!

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