Wednesday, December 02, 2009

endings are beginnings

Today is my last day of classes for this semester and, as it turns out, the next one too. It was a fairly unthoughtful decision, as I was simply too sick and tired to maneuver my way through the bullshit that is registering for classes.

That sounded dramatic. It really isn't that hard, I just have been feeling pretty poorly.

Regardless, no class next semester. I am going to take the time to be well, to work, to visit an acupuncturist, to participate in good things like church and mentoring, to do yoga and go swimming, and to spend time with my friends. That sounds like a very full life to me, thank you very much.

Christmas is fast approaching and I had a realization at some point that the holidays are just another period of busyness. Enforced busyness because its family and you cannot say no. Also, every friend who has left town now returns to town to visit their families, and you have to make time to see them too. Because they are your friends. I managed to avoid this enforced busyness during Thanksgiving by simply forgetting to call anyone back. This is legitimate. I simply forgot, and as a result spend my Thanksgiving doing nothing. Not even anything at all.

I am still having frequent headaches. Not every day (thank you, random seizure medicine), but often enough to make me feel crappy. I may have sabotaged myself a bit by starting to drink coffee again. I kind of, sort of decided that, maybe, since I was on blood pressure medicine a cup of coffee wouldn't hurt me. And, headaches. I guess I will go off them again. HEADACHES.

It is finally cold today. With a promise of snow on Friday. I am coated, but unfortunately not gloved or scarfed or hatted. Cold.

1 comment:

Kim said...

as i'm rounding out the end of this trimester, it dawns on me, that a harder and longer road lies ahead, as this end of my semester of teaching, means that the beginning of the next is looming. and as you will see when you read my recent post on how my school is potentially slowly falling apart, i am uncertain as to how to proceed. i want to be at home for holidays. i don't want to be freezing my ass off up here. but i do also want to be here. i would like to take the time to make a more firmly established "home" here. to nest. to actually unpack. but then i realized, reading your post, that home is where i want to be. and i love it here, regardless of how much a mess my room is or whether or not i unpack, or how cold i am. but as much as i do love it here, i want to be home. so i will be home. to my betterment or detriment. because it is what i want.

you want to be able to mentor and go to church and contribute to your house and pet chickens and goats and see your family when and if you choose and see the friends that you actually want to spend time with and to drink frakin coffee. now the coffee thing might be a stretch, but everything it. as you see fit. it's what you want. i firmly believe that the Lord gives us desires in order to guide us. now i also believe that those desires can be twisted and deceptive, but only you know what is right for you. so do what you want, man. ignore people if you want to, cause the people who love you get it. or at least they will forgive you. and the people who don't, are either expecting too much or are selfishly wanting to garner your time for themselves, in which case, they do not deserve it.

so, selfishly wanting to garner some of your time for myself, i would like to spend time at your big ol' crazy house and drink whiskey on the porch at some point during the holiday when i am at home. if that fits into your life, then yae for me. love you! too much!